I'm tired. It's late. I should be sleeping but my Android tablet addiction won't allow it. So I'm going to write for a little while.
If i didn't have this tablet addiction it'd only be something else. I have an addictive personality you see. I'm not afraid to admit it, in fact I think it's positively healthy to show obsessive interest in some things. It allows for "progress" in the world. If individuals hadn't shown obsessive hard work and dedication to their studies just think of some of the things we would be without. Inventors, after all, are for the most part obsessive crackpots; mad scientists... I told you I was tired.
Anyways, my personal obsessions have always seemed to be less productive and more harmful than what we might expect from Mr crackpot inventor man. And probably easier for many people to relate too. SMOKING for instance. That's right. Every last letter I have typed was getting me to that word, this subject- SMOKING. I joke on twitter, I joke with the truth. The reality is I DO miss smoking, in a not funny kind of way. I also don't miss it at all.
You see, smoking wasn't/isn't just (I use the word JUST loosely) an addiction for me- it's an obsession. I have an addictive personality, I become obsessed with things. And to become obsessed with something addictive is dangerous. But I have to ask myself a question- what came first; the addiction to smoking or the obsession? I'm not sure it matters. Either way, it's been a long 16 years, and an even longer month.
Yesterday I had my 1st serious craving for a cigarette since quitting. That worries me. I gave up almost a month ago, shouldn't I have felt cravings this strong within the first few days? Yesterday was a real struggle, but nevertheless I manged to still be around smokers and not smoke myself. MASSIVE achievement taking into account how weak willed and obsessive I am. Man, I sat next to Duncan for over an hour recording the podcast (www.idroidpodcast.co.uk) with a box of the finest tailor made cigarettes sitting on the table whispering sweet nothings to me the whole time. That's right, I'm bearing my heart and still manage to plug the podcast. Check it out, it's very good.
Well I guess I should "keep up the good work". I should probably try something other than the inhalers on the NRT. I want to keep going. I live in a better world now, I'm proud of myself and often feel a real sense of accomplishment- I've never achieved anything like this before. I just feel down sometimes and genuinely miss puffing away on a home made rolly. Oh well. More optimism in the next post please Marky K, but thanks for a good read anyway.
I'm tired.
*puts tab down*
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