The late club

Time for another late night blog! Yes, 10pm is late for me.

Hmmm what to talk about? Well, I haven't discussed smoking for a little while, let's try that.

I keep looking back at my "ode to smoking". How poetic. I wear my heart on my sleeve I do. A real weakness if you ask me, however it can at times inspire trust and respect in others. I'm also quite vain when I'm not being insecure. Hence I have no problems in saying that the poem i wrote is the bollox (that means it's very good).

The cravings have gone down. A bit. God, I'm eating a lot! I don't wanna be a fat bastard. It's almost too late. I've always been pretty lazy when it comes to physical exercise but I was always drinking and smoking heavily without the food so it never mattered... This bloody lifestyle change is a major chore. When you give up smoking you're supposed to be happy about it, and I was for a little while. But I keep seeing myself as a thin smoker, enjoying a fag and a pint and I MISS it. Funny that it also strengthens my resolve. I WILL BE A NON-SMOKER ONE DAY. And when i say one day I mean I will beat the nicotine addiction. I don't smoke. But I do walk around with a nicotine inhaler behind my ear/in my mouth and I crave cigarettes every so often. So I'm not through this by a long shot.

The road goes ever on and on, down from the door where it began...

Time to sign out. *reaches for chocolate bar*

The obsessive ramblings of a possible/hopefully soon-to-be ex-smoker

I'm tired. It's late. I should be sleeping but my Android tablet addiction won't allow it. So I'm going to write for a little while.

If i didn't have this tablet addiction it'd only be something else. I have an addictive personality you see. I'm not afraid to admit it, in fact I think it's positively healthy to show obsessive interest in some things. It allows for "progress" in the world. If individuals hadn't shown obsessive hard work and dedication to their studies just think of some of the things we would be without. Inventors, after all, are for the most part obsessive crackpots; mad scientists... I told you I was tired.

Anyways, my personal obsessions have always seemed to be less productive and more harmful than what we might expect from Mr crackpot inventor man. And probably easier for many people to relate too. SMOKING for instance. That's right. Every last letter I have typed was getting me to that word, this subject- SMOKING. I joke on twitter, I joke with the truth. The reality is I DO miss smoking, in a not funny kind of way. I also don't miss it at all.

You see, smoking wasn't/isn't just (I use the word JUST loosely) an addiction for me- it's an obsession. I have an addictive personality, I become obsessed with things. And to become obsessed with something addictive is dangerous. But I have to ask myself a question- what came first; the addiction to smoking or the obsession? I'm not sure it matters. Either way, it's been a long 16 years, and an even longer month.

Yesterday I had my 1st serious craving for a cigarette since quitting. That worries me. I gave up almost a month ago, shouldn't I have felt cravings this strong within the first few days? Yesterday was a real struggle, but nevertheless I manged to still be around smokers and not smoke myself. MASSIVE achievement taking into account how weak willed and obsessive I am. Man, I sat next to Duncan for over an hour recording the podcast (www.idroidpodcast.co.uk) with a box of the finest tailor made cigarettes sitting on the table whispering sweet nothings to me the whole time. That's right, I'm bearing my heart and still manage to plug the podcast. Check it out, it's very good.

Well I guess I should "keep up the good work". I should probably try something other than the inhalers on the NRT. I want to keep going. I live in a better world now, I'm proud of myself and often feel a real sense of accomplishment- I've never achieved anything like this before. I just feel down sometimes and genuinely miss puffing away on a home made rolly. Oh well. More optimism in the next post please Marky K, but thanks for a good read anyway.

I'm tired.

*puts tab down*

An Ode To Cigarettes

Oh my Sir Walter, what can I say?
You introduced us to something that just won't go away
No-one is left out, no ethnicity or race
We live breathe and die, together in one place.

Culture communes, bridges all gaps of class
To be enjoyed by the masses, we can all breathe our last.
The romance of nostalgia and the innocent breath
As we all breathe down deeply one step closer to death.

A certain beauty is present, an addiction to peace,
The way we relax and fight off daily grief.
For better or worse something good must have come
From polluting our friends, strangers, lovers and lungs.

So give me a rolly, a cigar or a fag
A pouch of the best, or a box, or a bag.
That sweet sweet aroma, swirls round inside me.
Killing me slowly, as happy as can be.

Still not smoking...

Well, it's been over 2 weeks and I tell thee, the cravings don't get easier to manage. I know I'm obviously still addicted to nicotine as I'm using the nicotine inhaler, but man I just want a cigarette.

I HAVE lapsed- I have probably smoked around 10 over the past 2 weeks- but I'm not going to let that get me down- I have still made a great personal achievement seeing as under normal circumstances I would have smoked 10 before even midday...

I feel better. I actually feel better. This is because I have health problems which affect my chest, and smoking only makes the pain worse. So apart from extra pennies in my pocket I really am feeling benefits from being a "non-smoker". I think this is one reason why lots of people fail. People who are generally in good health don't feel any healthier when they stop smoking so why quit something you enjoy if you don't feel any benefits from it?

I really hope I can keep this up, but I am genuinely finding this the hardest thing ever. I WANT A FAG! Just remember Mark, the reasons why you are doing this- better health & quality of life, more sweet sweet money, Georgie boy & Harry hoo.

Bonjour.

No more smoking day 2

Wow this is hard work! I've been feeling tired and ratty, despite the inhaler, which I have been puffing on like a goodun. I feel restless, I don't know what to do with myself.

I think the hypnosis app helped last night. I am such a slave to cigarettes that I get up to (eat and) smoke EVERY NIGHT. I have done for years, even when I'm unwell. But last night I didn't! I went for a pee, had a drink and some chocolate, then after a couple of puffs on the inhaler I went back to sleep. I know that I had the inhaler and therefore nicotine, but I still think I'm allowed to be proud for not stressing my head off or searching for a fag high and low.

So in summary, this is not easy and I'm struggling. I'm also in the process of moving house amongst other huge stresses in my life. One could argue that I haven't exactly picked the best moment, but hey- at least I'm keeping myself busy.

2 days down (almost) and only the rest of my life to go...

No more smoking- day 1

I have some health and money issues, so for the hundredth time, I'm giving up smoking. I may just record my progress in this blog.

I have been a heavy smoker for years. It is a way of life for me. I ENJOY smoking. I went to my local chemist which is in asda and signed up for NRT (nicotine replacement therapy). You pay the price of one prescription and get your choice of nicotine replacement products. I chose the inhaler.

My logic is that I have to break a routine, which is just as hard as the substance addiction. With the inhaler, I'm still going through the motion of putting something to my mouth and inhaling. I can hold it like a cigarette. And I've decided to carry on going for "fag breaks" at work, but with the inhaler instead, as well as only using the inhaler outside at home. I plan to cut all of the routine down over time.

Also, as a reflection of the times, I have downloaded 2 stop smoking apps from the Android market. One is a hypnosis app- I have a few by the same guy and find them really relaxing, so I'm hoping it may have some kind of subliminally-positive affect... the other app is a sort of tracker. You enter your details and it gives you info such as how long it's been since> your last cigarette, how you should be health wise at different stages of quitting and also- my favourite- how much money I'm saving!

The picture is me smoking "my last ciggie". I hope. Soooo time will tell as they say. I hope I will continue to blog positive news as my journey progresses.

Totally new to this

This is attempt 2, I do not believe my 1st attempt was posted.

This is my blog, there are many like it but this one is mine. I wonder how I'll use it and if it will be read. My blog will be my journal/diary, somewhere to write my thoughts and views on any subject that I feel compelled to comment on.

Do people read blogs? If they do, will they read mine? If they do, I hope they like it.

Right, lets see if this bad boy works. *clicks send*